A Letter to My Past Self
"Please know that this loss does not define you, your value or your self-worth."
[Editors note: This essay reflects on a woman's miscarriage journey and may be triggering for some readers.]
I was laying in the hospital bed waiting for the contractions to start naturally so I could deliver my babies and lay them to rest. The doctors had just confirmed that they could not save the lives of the boy/girl twins that had been growing inside my belly for the last 17 weeks.
I was in a resigned shock as I went through all of the events leading up to the dreadful moment when my water suddenly broke earlier that day. None of it made sense. Why was this happening? What did I do wrong? I could not stop wracking my brain for the reason why this was happening to me and my babies. I wanted to cry and scream but instead, I lay there in quiet pain, helpless to what was happening.