RTL Episode 71: Mama in Training with Jessica Lorion

We're kicking off the fourth season of the Responding to Life podcast (@respondingtolifepodcast) with Jessica Lorion (@jessicalorion). Jessica has spent the past 12 years as a professional actor and voice over artist in New York City. Now, as the host and producer of the Mamas in Training podcast (@mamasintrainingpod), she supports pregnant women and aspiring moms on their journey into motherhood.

In this episode you'll hear:

-How Jessica healed herself from an autoimmune disease through diet

-Why she started the Mamas in Training podcast

-Jessica's (3) pillars of motherhood

To listen to this episode, click on the link in bio to listen on Apple, Spotify or my website (www.jatluri.com). I would love for you to share, rate and review this episode. Also, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode on wellness, fertility, and parenthood!

Episode 71 Transcript

Josephine Atluri (00:08):

Welcome to the fourth season of the Responding to Life podcast. I'm so excited to share some amazing interviews with people who have responded to the challenges in their lives and are now on a mission to help others. My first guest of the season, Jessica Lorion, is a true embodiment of the RTL mindset. Jessica has spent the past 12 years as a professional actor and voiceover artist in New York City. Now as the host and producer of the Mamas in Training podcast, she supports pregnant women and aspiring moms on their journey into motherhood. What makes her show different from other pregnancy and motherhood podcasts is that she is not yet a mom. An autoimmune disease has delayed her journey into motherhood, and she has decided to learn right alongside her audience with a background in performing on stage in front of camera, as well as being a professional singer. Her mission is to spread the importance of studying motherhood. She intends to use her voice and desire to connect with women everywhere to share the lessons she has learned and give community to those in need. Without further ado, let's get this fourth season started and hear from Jessica. Welcome, Jessica. I'm so excited to have you on this show. I was a guest on your podcast, Mama's in Training, and so I'm really excited to switch roles and have a chat and learn so much more about you.

Jessica Lorion (01:34):

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me on. And I think it's when I originally found your podcast, I was like, well, this is perfect for me to listen to as a mama in training and for me to also get inspiration. So to be able to share my story on here means a lot. So thank you.

Josephine Atluri (01:53):

Yes. So as I mentioned, the name of your podcast is Mamas in Training: Preparing for Pregnancy and Motherhood, and you give aspiring first time moms guidance and community. So I'd love to hear, and I'd love for the audience to hear how this podcast came about based off of your own background and your own responses to your life.

Jessica Lorion (02:12):

Yeah, it's kind of a little bit of a unique story because it's not typical to have a podcast about motherhood when you're not yet a mom. And oftentimes people feel very confused and ask me, or they say, Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant, or, I didn't know you were a mom yet. And ironically, I'm not. But I think that's what makes it a little bit beautiful in the fact that I am exactly at the place that a lot of my listeners are at. I'm learning everything that I possibly can before I get there. And I often say we study everything else. We often prepare for everything else in life. We take class, we get degrees, we do all of these things. And then oftentimes when we decide that we wanna join into motherhood or parenthood, we just get pregnant and then whoop, there we are, and we're trying to cram everything into nine months.

(03:09):

But the beautiful thing about it when you're considering being a mama in training is you get to really take that time slowly but surely. And so that's exactly what I'm doing except I didn't really fall on it completely from choice. Back in 2011, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, and it really kind of halted my entire life. It halted my career, it halted my health, and it put me in a place that whether I was ready or not to have children, I absolutely could not get pregnant because of some medication that I was on. And I knew that it would be a journey trying to get off that medication in the future. But at the time it was fine. But fast forwarding to 2019, when I was ready to start a family, I had to embark on this journey of trying to wean myself off of medication, and I didn't know how long it was gonna take, and I really wanted and knew that I needed something positive to focus on during this time. And so that's kind of where the podcast came out of and was born is I just really wanted something to place my energy during this time and period of forced waiting. And so I decided to start the podcast, and basically I interview moms like yourself about what they wish they had known before they became a mom, so that I can take this time while I wait, and while I prepare myself and my mind and my body for future pregnancy to learn everything that I possibly can.

Josephine Atluri (04:48):

Thank you so much, Jessica, for sharing your story with us. The beginnings of it, the people listening are women who are experiencing infer till for various reasons and are also in that same season of waiting as yourself. And so I love to shine a light on the different ways that people find themselves in this scenario, and also to showcase much what you're doing in your own podcast showcase how people navigate these challenges. And so you took the route of trying to do something, as you said, in this season of waiting. And I think what manifested out of all this is tremendous. It's definitely helping a lot of moms out there. So thank you for being so candid and being vulnerable. Do you find that during this time of waiting and as you converse with other moms, does it make the waiting period more difficult? There mean, does it provide you, I know you were hoping for it to be this outlet during this time, that's challenging for you, but is it also tough to be on that other side where it's kind of like a reminder for you of what it is that you're striving for?

Jessica Lorion (06:17):

I think the benefits outweigh the challenges for me personally. And anybody who's on a journey of waiting, whether it's a fertility challenge or me, it's a medication type thing. It's hard no matter what. And everyone's going to have their own way of going through it. I mean, some people can't think about it at all and just have to completely compartmentalize it. For me, I took the opposite route and dove in headfirst. And yeah, there are days that it's hard, and I definitely have become more aware of things, but I just, I'm the type of person that I need a plan, I need action steps. And when I go to the gym, I can't just go to the gym and show up because I'll just stand around there doing a bunch of stuff that doesn't make any sense. I need to follow a workout plan, tell me what I need to do every single day.

(07:15):

And so for me, this is really good. It's good for my personality because I can say, All right, I'm not able to try to conceive yet or get pregnant yet, but I can dive in fully to everything. I can learn about sleep, I can learn about food, I can learn about exercise for pregnancy. I can learn about future birth options and postpartum plans and all of these things. And I think the most important thing for me is that as all of my friends are becoming moms and are entering this journey, you know, kind of feel as someone who can't become a mom yet, you kind of feel like you can't hang with your friends, you know, can't hang with the crowd. And so it gives me an opportunity to be a part of the conversation and to contribute in a way that, No, I haven't gone through it firsthand, but I can tell you my guest Josephine experienced this. My guest Erin went through that. And it gives me a way to relate. And I think that gives me a sense of community and inclusion that I wouldn't have otherwise. So for me, it works.

Josephine Atluri (08:36):

I love that. I love that you brought up that whole connection to your community and to your existing friend group, because I found, and from the women that I've worked with and just the overall for infertility community is that it can be really difficult to be around the rest of the world as they're moving forward. And you feel like you're standing still and you're not engaging in the experiences that they now have because now they have now become parents. And so that actually is an interesting perspective that you bring up, and is that it does allow you to still be a part of one another's lives and have feel like you have some sort of input and great perspective because you really have interviewed so many wonderful, wonderful guests and experts. And that leads me to my other question that I was wondering about, which was I'm sure you have many, but I'd love for you to tell me about one guest or one thing that you learned about that really helped you see motherhood in a completely different way than what you perceived it or expected it to be.

Jessica Lorion (09:56):

Yeah. I mean, I could go on for hours, of course, after interviewing over to over a hundred women and having this for two and a half years. But ironically, the thing that has stood out the most to me recently is an episode that I did actually with a dad, not with a mom. Most of them are with moms. But this episode I thought was really important because the guests that I interviewed, Ellie, he actually, as a father, experienced a panic attack postpartum. And the episode is number 1 0 6, and it's entitled, What About Dads? How Your Partner Could Silently Be Suffering? And it really opened my eyes to the intentional focus and inclusion that we need to have with our partners if we have a partner on this journey. Because no matter what we're about going through and if we're able to get pregnant on our own, and the way that our bodies are changing, I mean, there's so many hormones, there's so many things that happen to us, and it can be really easy, I think, to only focus on ourselves, But your partner, especially if you are the one who's actually birthing the child, your partner could really be going through a lot and could really be suppressing some fears, suppressing some emotions, thoughts.

(11:35):

And if you don't have that open dialogue and communication about what's going on, it could explode as it did for my guest in episode 1 0 6. So that was really, I think, the biggest eye opening experience. And also just other ways that we can include our partner from the beginning, how to make sure that they have an opportunity for special moments in special times. And even if you aren't birthing the child, even if you go through adoption or you go through surrogacy or anything like that, just really the importance of figuring out what are your individual roles gonna be? And these are things that you can talk about even when you're in a period of waiting, who has time for what desires, what time. And then not only that, but what are some important things that you still wanna hold onto? Do you still wanna have your morning routine to yourself? Do you still wanna have a little bit of time for a workout a couple times a week, or whatever it is? And making sure that you both work together to see if you can, as best as possible, give each other that time so you can connect back to yourself. So that was really the most I would say, surprising and empowering lesson that I've learned so far.

Josephine Atluri (13:00):

Oh, well, thank you for sharing that. And that's so interesting that you brought up Ellie as something that as the guest that you learned from, Actually, we spoke on one another's podcast, and his story is very amazing and it is wonderful to hear the perspective of a partner. So often we're very focused on the mother the one who's conceiving and all of that. And we always forget that there if you do have a partner, that there is someone else in this journey and part of the experience and has their own way of navigating the same challenges that you know were experiencing together. So yeah, that was really insightful.

Jessica Lorion (13:51):

Ironically, I actually recently had a conversation with my husband, and he was vulnerable enough to open up and say some of his fears and the fact that this relationship that we've had for now 14 years, how that might change and adapt, and the fear that he has about my love for him versus our future child. And so it really just, especially when you're in this period of waiting, it allows you the beautiful opportunity of time to have these conversations that you might not be able to have otherwise. And also with a lot less maybe stress or emotional turmoil that could be going on within those nine months. So that it's a perspective change, but it's a beautiful way to look at it, I think.

Josephine Atluri (14:51):

Definitely. And I am one who loves to talk about different ways that you can pivot your mindset do mindset shifts, and looking at things from a different lens. And this is just another example of that. It's a great one. I love that your husband, that you and your husband aren't able to do that because you're right, having that conversation is so different once you're in the thick of things of in your example of once love for one another and how that dynamic shifts when you have a child, when you bring in another human being into your life. And so you can imagine the pressure of that happening and that conversation happening when you know, have the baby around. And it seems like there's no real time to really have an in depth conversation. But I love that you guys had that beforehand and could really take time to explore that because that's a big one.

(15:54):

That is definitely something that affects many of us because it does totally change. Another thing that is something that gets talked about often in the infertility community for many of my listeners, is this idea of advocacy. A lot of times those who are trying to conceive feel like they're kind of almost like a science experiment, or they're at the mercy of their medical team and that they can't really advocate for themselves. Now with your background having an autoimmune disease, but then also having this other side of wanting to conceive and having to figure all of that out with in conjunction with your autoimmune disease. I'm wondering if you have had any of lessons learned that you experienced in trying to advocate for yourself in trying to manage your disease, but also in trying to figure out a way to proceed forth on your path to parenthood?

Jessica Lorion (17:05):

Yeah, big time <laugh>.

Josephine Atluri (17:08):

I bet.

Jessica Lorion (17:08):

Yeah. So when I was originally diagnosed, I was ultimately diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, but in 2011, it started with just psoriasis, and it got to a place that it was so bad. I mean, you look up the most extreme cases of psoriasis on Google, and that was me. I was completely covered from head to toe. I, excuse me, I often say that I looked like a monster because that's how I felt. I was just literally completely covered. And about a year into that, once I got on this one specific medication, I started to develop these other spots around my feet and ankles and the bottoms of my legs. And it felt different from psoriasis. It looked different. It hurt in a different way. And so I said to my doctor, Could you please look at what this is? And he said, Well, that's psoriasis. And I said it to me, it doesn't seem the same.

(18:16):

Can you please do a biopsy? And he said, Well, I'm 90% sure that that's psoriasis. And I said, Well, that's great, but it looks different. It feels different. Can you please do a biopsy? And I literally had to fight with this doctor back and forth for about four times until he finally said, Okay, I'll do a biopsy. And sure enough, he did a biopsy and it came back and it was not psoriasis, it was something called vasculitis. That's the swelling of your blood vessels. And when I went back and spoke to my rheumatologist about what had happened, he said, Well, I'm really glad that you pushed for a biopsy because had you not, and we didn't treat the vasculitis, it could have actually caused some serious organ damage in the future. Wow. And it was one of these moments that I was like, I just knew your body so well for so long, and he was just adamant for whatever reason.

(19:19):

And I had to just keep pushing and pushing and pushing. And then similarly I ended up going on another medication. Then when I got the arthritic part of my diagnosis and the arthritis was so bad also that I had to buy a cane. I couldn't walk. My husband had to carry me to the bathroom because the pain was just so excruciating. And the medication that I ended up going on after a while did help over the proceeding eight years or so. But like I said, in 2019, I knew I could not be on this medication and get pregnant. And my rheumatologist at the time had said, Well, what we can do is put, we can take you off this medication and put you on another one that's safe for pregnancy. And I said, Well, I really would rather not be on a medication, even if it's supposedly safe for pregnancy.

(20:23):

I've seen what some other medications have done to my body, and I'm just really too scared for that. So I'd like to try to heal this with diet and holistically <affirmative>. And in a sense, he sort of laughed at me and he sort of scoffed at my thought that I could heal myself through diet. And this is not everyone's story. Not everyone would be able to do this. But I wanted to give it a try. I thought, Why the heck not <affirmative>? I have the time anyway to wait. And like I said, I like plans, I like order and structure. And so I went through it. And oftentimes throughout my journey, even as I started to get better and started to go off the medication, every time I would have a success, I was met with, Oh, well, sometimes it goes into remission. It's not always just the food.

(21:19):

And that's true, maybe it's not. But I wanted to have that opportunity to celebrate the accomplishments that I was getting <affirmative>. And December of 2021, before the start of 2022 I was a hundred percent medication free with no side effects. And as of now, I'm now about whatever that is, six months or so, medication free. And I completely healed myself from the autoimmune disease. And so to me, it just was glaring that had I not advocated for myself when I got the diagnosis of the vasculitis with that biopsy, or when I decided to make the decision to try to heal myself, I wouldn't be where I am today. And instead, I would be on some other biological drug and would just keep pushing through the system. So I think for me, it's been the hugest lesson that advocating for yourself is number one, because you're gonna have to advocate for your future children no matter how they come into your life.

(22:31):

And it's so easy for us to advocate for our children, but why is it so hard for us to advocate for ourself? And I know it'll continue to be a struggle for me, but having these past experiences that I've had on my own health journey, I'm just hoping will continue as I go through. But I encourage anybody listening, advocacy really is the number one thing. And I've discovered three pillars of motherhood throughout this two and a half years. And it's, advocacy is number one, planning and preparing is number two, and community is number three. So when you ask about advocacy, it's like, Yes, just preach, preach, preach about it. <laugh>, at least <laugh>

Josephine Atluri (23:16):

Thank you for sharing your experiences and your three pillars are spot on. I totally agree with, you can apply that with infertility, with parenthood, so many things. And your story of just having to fight for something that you feel in your gut is just, it always amazes me. I mean, I always ask this question. I ask this question a lot to people about their examples of how they had to speak up for themselves and get the treatment that they wanted or try a new way of conception. And it's just always surprises me that the difficulties that people have to go through whether or not that's related to insurance or what have you, it can be something as simple that as the doctor just doesn't think that's the right thing to do, and you have to fight for it. It just amazes me. And you're right, it does.

(24:22):

It gives us an opportunity to practice because we eventually will be doing it for our children. And it is something that is always a lot harder for us to do for ourselves. So that is definitely a moment of modeling and just of practice. And then just going back to the fact that you tried something completely different, not something that your doctor recommended, and just switching and just trying to change your diet and then amazing news of being able to be symptom free for the last six months. That's amazing. I'm glad that you celebrated that for yourself because that is, that's so great. It can be so scary to try new things, especially if you don't have the support of say, your medical team and you're just going at it on your own. But I love that you just figured that you had time to do it, and you had what was there to lose. So that's also just a great perspective once again, of looking at your situation and responding to your life in the way that was authentic to you. So that's been so wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing that. I can dive into your story longer

(25:43):

But I always, to wrap up our conversation, I always ask people I feel like you've shared so many lessons with us, but I would love for you to share a gratitude for today.

Jessica Lorion (25:58):

I, I've done a lot of reflecting on everything that I've gone through and experienced. We often wonder why certain things happen to us and why we go through things. And even when I was, I was in the midst of the most severe pain <laugh> and not even knowing if I would be able to continue my career as an actor and a performer and dance again or any of these things with the pain that I was going through It's hard to see that light really, and that reason why things happen <affirmative>. But I would never have met you. I would've never have learned everything that I've learned. I would've never built the community that I've built, would've never been in the place that I am now if I hadn't gone through that. And I think it can be really hard when we are going through a challenging situation, a period of waiting to know how do we respond to life?

(27:11):

Why are we even responding to life? I'd rather just curl up in my bed right now, <affirmative>. But I think the way that we respond to life really can direct our future and encourage whatever type of opportunities are gonna come out of it. And so creating Mamas in training has really been like my child that I've birthed over the past two and a half years. And it's set me up to really have the community and the support that I need for my future. And so I'm so grateful for the challenges that I went through and the way that I then decided to respond to those challenges. And I would just encourage anybody, no matter what you're going through and what life is throwing at you, if there's a way that you can in whatever works for you, like I mentioned in the beginning, it's gonna be different for everybody. But if there's a way that you can find a process of healing, find a process, whether it's meditation, whether it's finding community, join us in mama's in training on Facebook, whatever it is for you to focus your energy in a positive way or to get the support that you need it really can be something beautiful that you can end up being extremely grateful for over and over.

Josephine Atluri (28:39):

That's so wonderful. I love it. It's making me smile. And I knew from when I spoke with you on your podcast that I just loved your spirit because it is hard to look at things in perhaps a positive light when you're going through really challenging moments. So there's that gift of time and perspective. But what I think, and as you were saying and pointing out is that going through that and then realizing what came out of it, what you could take out of it, what you can learn from it, how you could grow from, it helps you as you go forward because then you'll come across another situation entirely different, but also albeit challenging and what have you. And you'll have that sort of muscle memory from before that. You know what, I was able to go through something that was difficult before, maybe different, but I got through it and I got so many things out of it. And I think that gives it a little bit easier for us to go through something else that's tough, even if it's just a completely different scenario. It just gives that memory in our minds that we can do it.

Jessica Lorion (29:55):

Absolutely. And I think the other little key too that comes up for me is if you have the opportunity and the courage and strength to share that vulnerability of just where you're at, the crap that you're going through, share it in some way. Share it with one person, share it with a community. Just speak into it if you're able to, because you never know who you could also affect and influence and positively change. And so for me, while, yeah, sometimes it's really hard to be on this journey in this period of waiting, and sometimes I just can't stop thinking about it. When I have someone who responds to me and says how I've impacted them and their journey, it makes all the difference in the world and it makes it worth it. So that's the other thing I think to remember. If you're able to share your journey, please do.

Josephine Atluri (30:52):

Well, so wonderful and great advice. And speaking of sharing and other people sharing their stories, I'd love for you to share with us about your podcast and how the audience can connect with you further.

Jessica Lorion (31:05):

Absolutely. So you can find the podcast Mamas in Training, anywhere on any podcast platform. You can also just go to mamasintraining.com. You can follow or connect with me over on Instagram at @mamasintrainingpod. And you can also, if you're on Facebook, we would love to have you in our community Mama's in Training. And that's just a great place for you to connect with other aspiring expecting mamas to get the support from other women who've been there. And I would tell you that I would think like 90% of the women that I've chatted with and interviewed have struggled with fertility in some way or another, whether it's loss or it's a medical challenge or anything. And so there are people out there who can lift you up and support you and understand you if you'd like that support. So please feel free to reach out and follow the podcast. Let me know how I can help and support you in any way possible.

Josephine Atluri (32:11):

So wonderful. Thank you so much for being on the show, Jessica. It's always so nice speaking to you. Agreed. And yeah. Well, thank you again.

Jessica Lorion (32:21):

You're welcome. Chat soon.

Josephine Atluri (32:23):

Thank you for tuning in for this wonderful episode with Jessica Lorion. Be sure to learn more about Jessica and her podcast by following her on IG and listening to her show, Mamas in Training. I look forward to an amazing fourth season with all of you. If you're new to the RTL community, I invite you to listen to the insightful and inspiring guests that I have featured in the last three seasons. I know you'll walk away feeling empowered to respond to the challenges in your own life with strength and determination. For more information on Josephine Atluri mindfulness coaching and the Responding to Life podcast, please visit jatluri.com. On the site, you can sign up for a monthly newsletter for tips on how to live each day with presence. On the site, you can also book private coaching or meditation sessions. In addition, there are online fertility and parenting mindfulness courses and Josephine's two books, the Mindfulness Journal for Parents and 5-Minute Mindfulness for Pregnancy. For daily inspo, go to Instagram and check out @josephineratluri and @respondingtolifepodcast.