RTL Episode 41: The Savvy Working Mom with Whitnee Hawthorne
RTL Episode 41: The Savvy Working Mom with Whitnee Hawthorne
On this parenting episode, I am joined by Whitnee Hawthorne, the creator of The Savvy Working Mom. Whitnee is a professional speaker… author… certified coach… Fortune 500 executive… productivity expert… successful entrepreneur… self-care guru… passionate mom and wife… Whitnee Hawthorne is a woman with many hats.
When you meet her, it is clear that Whitnee is a leader at home, in the office, and in her community. She has inspired women’s groups, start-ups, and Fortune 500 companies with her presentations on powerful topics including: achieving work/life harmony, improving productivity, increasing employee loyalty and engagement, and helping caregivers thrive in the workplace. Whitnee leads by example and loves to inspire aligned action in others. She teaches her audiences steps they can take right now to increase their productivity, grow their confidence, and bring more joy to their lives.
During this episode, Whitnee will share her experiences adjusting to working mom life. She’ll also discuss how she offers support for working moms so they can excel in all of their many roles. Following Whitnee’s methods, you can get help to advance your career, take your marriage to the next level, be the absolute best mom to your kids, take great care of yourself, and find joy in life everyday.
Specifically, she will share:
Going back to work from maternity leave
Going out on maternity leave with my second shortly after being promoted
adjusting to my new identity of a mom, breadwinner, woman, etc
To connect with Whitnee: @thesavvyworkingmom
Free video course: More Time and Less Guilt By Monday
Episode 41 Transcript
Josephine Atluri:
Welcome to responding to life. A podcast where we talk about issues relating to health, fertility, and Parenthood. On today's episode, I am joined by Whitney Hawthorne, the creator of the savvy working mom. Whitney is a professional speaker author certified coach, fortune 500 executive productivity expert, successful entrepreneur self-care guru, passionate mom and wife. Whitney Hawthorne is a woman with many hats. When you meet her, it is clear that Whitney is a leader at home in the office and in her community, she has inspired women's groups, startups, and fortune 500 hundred companies with her presentations on powerful topics, including achieving work-life harmony, improving productivity, increasing employee loyalty and engagement and helping caregivers thrive in the workplace. Whitney leads by example, and loves to inspire aligned action and others. She teaches her audience steps. They can take right now to increase their productivity, grow their confidence, and bring more joy to their lives. During this episode, Whitney will share her experiences adjusting to working mom life. She'll also discuss how she offers support for working moms so they can Excel in all of their many roles. Following Whitney's methods, you can get help to advance your career, take your marriage to the next level, be the absolute best mom to your kids. Take great care of yourself and find joy in life every day.
Welcome to responding to life. Whitney. I am so excited to speak with you today about all things related to being a working mom. Well, I'll just get started. And you know, I went onto your website to do some research and it's called the savvy working mom. And on there, you state that the truth about working moms is that we are the backbone of society. And I love that. And yet we can find ourselves with so little support in our attempts at excelling in our many different roles. So why don't we start off by having you share about your own experiences as a new mom, going back to work and how you juggled that situation?
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Thanks. I'm so excited to be here and I love to talk about all things related to being a working mom. So I have two littles. One is two and a half and the other is six months. And when I had my first son, I was a little bit nervous about going back to work, which I think is normal, you know, after maternity leave. And I started looking around for resources to help me understand what it was going to be like to go back to work. I lived in Brooklyn at the time and I had made a lot of mom friends like through Slack groups and things like that, um, in my neighborhood, but they were all for the most part. A lot of them were either going to be stay-at-home moms or entrepreneurs. And there weren't, I didn't have a lot of other like corporate moms who were also going back to work to lean on. So I started looking online for some kind of support and I really couldn't find it.
And then I ended up going back to work and it was difficult. And I started looking around at all the other mothers that I worked with. And I'm like, how are y'all doing this? So I started asking them like, how are you doing this? Because I am having a tough time. Like the things that work for me before I had a kid just are not working for me anymore. And they were all like, no, it's hard. It's really hard. Like, wait, what, it's art? Why aren't we talking about this? Like, why are we making it seem like it is easy? Why are we not talking more about this? And that's kind of where the savvy working mom came from. In that moment, I got super inspired to write, which was one of my first blog posts, which was like the four things you need to know before you go back to work.
And number one on the list is figure out where you're going to cry. Cause nobody told me that when you go back to work, you will cry. You know, like after just having had a baby, you still have all of those. Well, all these emotions, it's not even, I was going to say all those hormones, but it's not even that you just have all these emotions and it's the first time that you're separated from your child for a long period of time and you're going to cry. And so it's like, you got to figure out where you're going to do that because depending on what your office is like, like for me, I don't want anyone to see me crying. Like I crying is normal. And when you got to get it out, you gotta get it out. But I don't, I don't necessarily want to do that in front of my colleagues right in my office had a glass door on it.
So if I was in there doing some serious sobbing and everyone would see, so it's like figure out where you're going to cry and like, know that it's okay to cry. Right. That's part of figuring it out. But yeah. Anyway, so I was compelled to kind of write this blog post because it really was, um, a lot to figure out going back, right. Also figuring out how to let go of the guilt. Um, figuring out like snacks, I'm a nursing mom. Um, I nursed both of my children. And so it's like, you got to have the snacks and the law and the water, so you can stay hydrated and, you know, just kind of small things like that, but things that no one really shared with me. And from there, I just started realizing, you know, what sharing is caring and sharing is better. So, um, I put together with the savvy working mom as a platform to share what I knew and what I found was working for other moms.
Josephine Atluri:
I love that. I just you're right. Because we don't talk about it. And then it seems like when we hop back into the that it should be so easy and I love your tips. I mean, it seems like something that you should know, but just stating it, like knowing, having a place to, to let out your emotions and, you know, having the snap. I mean, all of those were fantastic tips that you shared. Thank you. Um, so you mentioned in your pre-interview that you went out on maternity leave with your second, shortly after being promoted. And I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you in terms of the pressure that you, that you felt in terms of needing to perform at work. So I'd love for you to share with us how you manage that situation.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Yeah. So I got promoted when I was seven months pregnant with my second son and I mean, even applying for the job, I had to work through a lot of guilt and a lot of kind of mindset stuff of like, well, I know I'm going to be going out on leave, so should I even apply? Like, what's the point of applying? Um, you know, if I go out, am I going to take a shorter leave? So I took four months for my first son and I wanted to take four for my second, but it was like, well, if I get promoted, could I even do that? Is it responsible? Is it not responsible? You know, am I going to make other moms look bad? Like then it's our swirling of like, you know, in some ways, because I am fairly senior in my organization, um, it's, I'm an officer, right?
So that's a very senior position. And it's kind of like at some point, especially being one of the few black women in this role and not there aren't that many women actually, you know, senior levels in the fortune five hundreds, comparatively speaking, um, to men, it's like, you start to feel like, okay, am I an example? And do I have to do things in a certain way so that I can, um, you know, so that I can perpetuate or not perpetuate ideas that people have about what it means for moms to be working or black women to be working. And so I had a lot of thoughts that I realized at the end of the day, we're not based in any reality, just based in ideas that I had kind of picked up along the way. And when I took a step back and started looking at like one I'm being encouraged to apply for this role to, um, the role had been vacant for a while.
So what's another few months of the role being vacant, like for the right leader. And I know someone who's run who runs teams, it's like for the right person, you can wait a little bit of time, right. It's better to wait some time and have the right person then than to rush and get the wrong person into a role. So, you know, it was kind of like, okay, wait, Whitney, why are you saying all these crazy things to yourself? Like, let's take a step back and look at what's actually factual and also look at the support that you're getting. So like, except that support rather than like hearing people support you and say, no, no, no. It's like, when someone says your dress is pretty and you're like, that's such a nice dress. And you're like, Oh no, no, no, no, it's not. Or like, no, I got it. I got it on sale. Like you have to discount it somehow. It's like, no, yeah, the dress is pretty like I'm qualified for the job and they want me in it. So let me just go ahead and accept that and then go from there and figure out how to make it work. Instead of telling myself all the reasons why it can't work. Right. Right.
Josephine Atluri:
No, I love that. That's a really, you know, or the talk that we have for ourselves can be, um, pretty detrimental and set us back instead of just looking at sort of the hard facts, like you said, and seeing the situation for what it is versus listening to that voice inside our head. Um, so that's, you know, that's amazing that you were able to sort of factor that in and go for it. Um, and so we, you know, we all come into motherhood and different ways and various ways, and then we adapt our lives to the new roles that we have as working moms. So I'd love for you to share some of the main lessons learned, and you've already touched upon many, but that you learned as you were raising your kids while in the pursuit of your own goals.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Sure. So the main lesson I learned is that when you become a mom, you, it adds to your life. It doesn't take away from your life. It's not like, Oh, I was Whitney. And now suddenly I'm a mom and I'm nothing else. No, it's like, I'm Whitney. And I am a, you know, I'm passionate about my career. I'm passionate about speaking. I am passionate about helping others and serving others. And I'm also passionate about my children and motherhood, like you add it adds. And so if you think about it that way, it's kind of like all these things make you who you are, and it's really important to be who you are. And so, you know, you have to make time for everything that matters to you and know that it's not always going to be equal the time that you spend on things, right?
But that you are making some time over the course of, let's say a month, a quarter a year for all the different things that matter. And what I found most interesting about like becoming a working mom is that I ended up being a much better employee once I had kids and a much better leader, like insanely better leader by having kids. And I think what my sons taught me or not, even my son just becoming a mother, taught me was a new level of empathy and also a real ability to delegate as well as to prioritize. And like the risk management that you face being a mother. I mean, it's a direct, transferrable skill. So yeah, I, I became a much better leader after having my kids because it was like, I looked around and I had to go like I, before I could work late into the evening or on weekends.
But once I had my sons, it was like, if I don't get out of here by five 15 and get home by six, I'm not going to see them for any amount of time because they go to bed at seven, seven, 15, maybe eight, o'clock a toddler, the middle of the oldest, one's a toddler. So he's a, he's on a new schedule, but it's kind of like this, you know, it really helped me to be more productive and to learn, to start to delegate. And then at the end of the day, now I look at people and I never had this thought before, but I look at people and I'm like, Oh, you're someone's child. You know what I mean? Like you were a little baby too. You were, one's a sweet little baby. So I don't know what happens to you along the way, but just getting, but really it is this idea of like, well, we were all someone's child, you know, we were all sweet little babies and then life, you know, we all develop as we do throughout life, but it just, I don't know, helps me be a lot more empathetic, which doesn't mean to be a pushover.
It doesn't mean to accept bad behavior. It just helps me to have more compassion and empathy for, for people, which I think makes me a better leader as well.
Josephine Atluri:
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I'm talking about empathy with my kids all the time. And so you don't have to model it myself and you're right. And when you're able to work with people in that capacity, it just makes for a better outcome because you're able to understand where they're coming from and then lead from that, from that position. And I love how you compared, um, motherhood to, uh, just being able to run a team better and being a better performer at work. I've never really thought about it that way, but you're right, because you do have to optimize your time. You do have to learn how to delegate, which is one of the hardest things is having to ask for help and then knowing when you need help and all of that, and that does totally translate into work. And, and then that very first point that you made about, about the way that you spend your time.
I signed up for your newsletter on your, on your website and the email that I, the first one that I got, I loved it. It was a picture of you for those who don't know, but it was a picture of you with your, your two sons and the, um, the, just a little note underneath it, it just moved me because it talked about how in that moment it was a perfect 20 minutes or whatever it was and how, you know, you just killed it in that moment, in that moment of being present and being their mom and being with them and doing things with them. And it wasn't the whole day, but it made the whole day that 20 minutes. And
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Yeah, I love that. That's great. Are they guys would say, yeah, that was just, um, that for anyone who didn't see the newsletter, it was, or I, that photo is on my Instagram as well. And it was like 20 minutes. My son kept begging me to do an experiment and experiment is a baking soda and vinegar in a glass and watching it explode. And I was like, you know what? Yeah, let's do this. We're going to do an experiment. And so, um, my infant, you know, we, he was learning new things. I don't know, the infants really learn, but they just develop, he's developing. So it's okay. We got the right little toys to shake in front of his face and we were doing the experiment and I had my phones in another room. So I wasn't worried about it helps me to like physically separate from my phone to mentally separate from my phone. Um, so put the phone in another room and we really just had an amazing 20 minutes and it made me smile for the whole rest of the day. And I feel like we were all just a little bit happier from that. Oh
Josephine Atluri:
Yeah. And when I was reading it, it was great because, you know, I'm, I'm sort of preaching that all the time when I'm talking about mindfulness and meditation with my clients and people who are trying to get into it in that, you know, it's all about being present and being aware of the moment because the past is past and the future doesn't exist. And when you're able to really just be in that moment and capitalize on that and be present in whatever role you're playing in that, in that timeframe, then you really reap the benefits fully of life in that, in that capacity. So that's when I saw that it just put a huge smile on my face. Um, and so let's see here. So on your website, you wrote, I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed, frustrated, and resentful. That's why I created having a working mom to help you transform your life and feel more competent, capable. And like you have a plan to live a life you love. So it seems like balance is never attainable for us moms. And you created a course to help women feel stressed from stress out to confident, focused and rejuvenated. And then you kindly offered the listeners access to a free video course more time and less guilt by Monday. So I'd love for you to share more about, you know, to our listeners, what they can expect from taking this fantastic free course that you offered.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Sure. Yeah. You're, you can expect exactly that more time and less guilt by Monday, even if you're taking the course on Sunday, it is as series of short videos. It's three very short videos because I know that's working, mama's just, don't have a lot of time. Um, so it's three videos with bite-sized actions that you can take to clear your plate. Or another analogy I like to use is like the spinning plates to help you put down some of those plates that are spinning, um, so that you can really adjust your mindset, find some clarity and, and not stress as much and not feel bad about the things that you need to do.
Josephine Atluri:
I love that because we can not use new strategies, new tools, and hearing it from a mom who's also going through it is, and also lends some credibility and some inspiration actually, you know? Um, so the, the juggle of mom life it's real thing. And I, you know, and you touched upon upon it before about the idea of mom guilt. And so, you know, how do you overcome that feeling when it's time to work on things for yourself, whether it be work or self care.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
So I try to focus first, make sure that I'm spending most of my energy on the things that I do best on the things that matter most to me and not on other things so that I don't feel bad about doing those things. And one of the ways I did that is, like I said, when I went back to work, I just realized, you know, I'm doing a lot of things. I'm employing new methods and new strategies and new tactics to find the time, um, and to get the things done. So I can go back and be with my kids. And one of those is this method I call dieback, um, it's, uh, is it an acronym? Each letter stands for something, but it's how I get stuff off of my plate so that I can focus. So I like to D stand for delegate.
Um, E is for eliminate. That's like actually getting rid of things. Batching is the B, which is where you put everything together. Um, and it helps you to be a little bit more efficient, a is to automate whatever you can automate and see as the calibrate, which is really about fine tuning your process. And so I try to employ that with everything that I do so that I am only working on the things that I have to work on or that I want to work on. And for anything that I don't, that I just kind of have to do that, I know I'm doing it as efficiently as possible. Um, and then I just, I do it. And when I am able to kind of clear my plate in that way, I also have to always ground myself. And the idea that when I'm doing what's right for me, when I am being my best me, I am going to be the best mother to my children.
I'll be the best wife to my husband. I'm going to be the best worker for my company. Like it is me as a whole person that has to be taken care of so that I can do for others. Right. Because you just can't pour from an empty glass. And knowing that helps me to not feel as much guilt. I can't say I don't feel any guilt. Right. That would be just not real, but it helps me not feel as much guilt as, as I probably would've. And I definitely, as I have in the past, um, when I do things for myself, when I take care of myself, because filling my glass, filling my pitcher helps me to pour from a place of abundance so that I can do my best, because I don't want to show up half-assed to anything.
Josephine Atluri:
Right. Yeah, absolutely. And I totally agree with you there about filling from an empty cup. So what are some ways and strategies that work for you in terms of taking care of yourself in terms of self-care?
Whitnee Hawthorne:
So I have a couple of different tricks that have helped me along the way. One is getting really clear on what works for me, like bubble baths, not my thing. Like who's going to clean the tub after to take a bath, but, you know, taking deep breaths, like sitting and staring at a wall and doing nothing for a little bit of time, um, that actually is relieving to me. So I have taken some time to figure out what works for me from a kind of stress relief standpoint. And then I've written it all down and I created a self-care kit. Right. Which is just a little bag that has everything that I need. And it, for those quick moments that I might have to, um, to take care of myself. So it's got a list of all the things to help me remember what I can do, because you know, you forget, right.
It's like, Oh, I've got this 15 minutes. What should I do for myself? And then you're going through a whole list trying to figure out what to do. It's like, no, just have it all written down and look and go, okay, I got 15 minutes. Yep. I could paint my nails and I couldn't paint my nails. I could go stare at a wall for a little bit. I could listen to one of my favorite songs. I can go take a walk outside. Like if you have it all written down, I feel like it's easier actually action. And you don't waste any time trying to think about it. And then in that bag, I have all the stuff that I need. Right. I've got a scented candle, I've got some essential oils. I've got a nail Polish remover pad with, um, actual nail Polish as well.
Um, I've got pictures of things that bring me joy. I've got a pad and a pen if I want to write. And I just kind of keep that there. And so when I have a moment to do something for myself, I can just whip it out and not have to go searching for the things. And that helps me to, you know, make, if I have 60 seconds, 60 seconds worth something. Um, as far as self-care goes and if I have longer, you know, even longer. And then I think the other thing that's been really helpful for me is to actually make sure that I schedule the time to take care of myself. Like put it on the calendar schedule breaks throughout the day, um, and respect those breaks. So I used to be, Oh, I was notorious before I had my son, the first one for like giving up my lunch hour.
You know, it's like, Oh, there's a meeting. There's another time. Okay. We'll just do it over my lunch hour. Um, and that is not healthy. Cause like one we need to eat until you just need that mental break. Um, and in fact, it's proven when you take breaks throughout the day, right? You're a more productive person at the end of the day. And what really helped me realize that I could schedule break time, like a lunch on my calendar and respect it and force other people to respect it. And you know, things weren't going to fall apart. And in fact, you know, in doing this, I ended up getting promoted. Um, not just because of that one thing, but this did not take away from me getting promoted, um, was that I had to block my calendar to pump when I had my son and you know, your boobs wait for no one, when it comes time to pump, you gotta bust.
So, um, and so when I did that, I realized, Hey, like I'm blocking my condor three times a day and everything is still working and I'm still, you know, growing in my career. And so when I was done pumping with the first one, I was like, you know what? I can keep blocking my calendar for a little breaks here and there, and it's not going to be a problem. Um, so actually taking the time to physically block the calendar. Cause if I don't, then I will easily just keep working or keep or keep doing whatever it is that I'm doing. Um, that's the same thing. As on the weekends, like with my husband, we take some time each to make sure that we can step away and do something for ourselves. Um, and not necessarily be with the kids 24 seven on the weekends. It's like, yeah, I'm going to need to take a walk.
Or I want to work on the savvy working mom for an hour, or I want to go to the store because I want to take a long drive. And then I take the long way, like I'm gonna take a long drive or a long walk to the store and then come back. And we, you know, we kind of like trade off to make sure that we always have a little bit of time to ourselves each day. I love that. Now. I, I, first of all, I love your kids and the idea of having an actual physical kit to like peruse through when you're in the midst of trying to take care of yourself because you're right. It is helpful versus having sort of like this, just mental idea of a toolkit and a list of things that you can draw upon.
Josephine Atluri:
And then, and that actually was leading into my next question about how you work in tandem with your partner. And so I love hearing that you guys take moments of time, especially on the weekends when you can feel that extra pressure to, to be with the kids 24 seven. I know I feel that way on, on the weekends. And so it's kind of an internal battle for myself, but you know, we like my husband and I have have it known to each other that we will tag out, you know, when we need to. And we know that that that will happen throughout the weekend and that's just a given. And so, um, I find that to be really candid. I love how you guys do that as well. So
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Yeah, that's so important. And I really feel like sometimes as mamas, we beat ourselves up because we don't want to be with our kids 24, seven, three 65. Like, I feel guilt about that. You know, it's like, but at the same time, it's like, we all need a break. Even my son now, you know, he's a toddler, so he's got his big feelings and his ideas, but he won when he, we, we have started letting him watch TV, uh, screen time is a thing. Now he had no screen time until he was two and then COVID hit and it's like, but he, you know, when he sits down with his show, sometimes he'll sit down. We'll, you know, we'll put on like Coco melon or whatever. He's going to watch for 15 minutes. And then he'll be like living room. You go like, it's like you go away. I wouldn't be by myself and watch my show. And I can't be mad at him because you know, the same way sometimes. And it's just natural for people to want to be alone.
Josephine Atluri:
Oh my God, I love that. He says that I lose say the funniest things I have. And so, yeah, they're kind of feisty, but I love that he understands that we it's okay to have moments of time for ourselves, even for themselves and for mommy and daddy. So that's really, that's awesome. Um, well, I've totally enjoyed speaking with you. And I know that time is of the essence for moms and such. So I really appreciated you sharing all of the advice that you've garnered over this time, as you know, a working mom, which has been, I know it will be very helpful to the audience. And I always like to shift into a state of positivity when I end my show as just a way for, to tell people about how they can move from any negativity or stress into more positive mindset. So I'd love for you to share some of your gratitudes for today. Whitney can be big, small, whatever.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Yes. I love that you do that. I think it's so important. Gratitude is so important to me. I keep a gratitude list and it's, that's another thing like the self-care list is just write down the things you're grateful for because in your worst moments, it's really hard to remember what they are. And then if you have them written down, you can feel good about it like today. So we just recently relocated to salt Lake and from Brooklyn. Oh, wow. Yeah. Tell me about it. Really big move. And so driving and looking at the mountains, and I was like, you know, I am so grateful that in the middle of a pandemic, we have access to the outdoors because before we didn't I'm so I'm so grateful to her for that. And I am so grateful that my company, um, offers COVID tests in fact, requires COVID tests for anyone who's coming into the office. Because I, I know people are waiting in very, very long lines to have access to a test. And it is a part of the requirements for my job. So I I'm grateful for that requirement, like stick the thing up my nose because I don't have to wait in line to get it done, which is really awesome.
Josephine Atluri:
That is, that is a great gratitude. Cause we were in line this morning, I'm waiting in this insane drive through line that took half an hour. So those are good gratitudes to have and congrats on the moon. That's a really big, that's a big deal in the midst of COVID. Well, it's been such a pleasure. I'd love for you to share Whitney, you know, in the spirit of giving back, um, where the listeners can find you and how they can connect with you.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Sure. I have a podcast it's called the savvy working mom podcast. So you can find me on Apple, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts and the handle on Instagram is the same and you can find me there at the savvy working mom.
Josephine Atluri:
Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for your time. It was such a pleasure to connect with you.
Whitnee Hawthorne:
Thank you so much for having me. This was amazing.